The Axe Must Be Kissed

Kiss My Axe Second Edition, on which I spent the last couple of years researching and working, is out now and the response is . . . disheartening. But I believe that is a reflection of my abilities as a marketer rather than a designer.

Since the number of people actually visiting this site is minimal—90% of the hits stay for less than 30 seconds, which means they ain’t real people . . . or people who aren’t actually reading anything—I’m going to be collecting post threads from Bluesky and publish them here in essay format. This existed first on Bluesky.

I assume there are a lot more designers like me out there—people who are designing great games but don’t know how to properly get people’s attention. I’m lucky in that I have a distributor who is selling my print stuff at conventions. That’s where I make the vast majority of my print sales.

As of the writing of this article, Composed Dream Games doesn’t have Kiss My Axe Second Edition up on its marketplace website yet, but that’ll happen in due course. It’s two entire people and they have lives. I’m super thankful for the work that Composed Dream Games does for me, does for other local Ottawa designer/publishers, and does for indie games in general.

But what about KMA2E? One issue with its release of was that I didn’t Kickstart it. My last Kickstarter was Nefertiti Overdrive 2.0—seeing a pattern?—and I had 101 backers. Sword Noir 2E (yes, I am updating a bunch of my games) had 150 backers. The thing is, I lost money on both of those. I decided to keep track of NO2.0 and while the Kickstarter ended in March 2024, I didn’t see any profit until Aug 2025. And if I paid myself 5 cents (Canadian) per word for the writing, I’d still be almost 2,000 CAD in the hole.

Part of the secret to a successful Kickstarter? Don’t pay yourself. If I did pay myself, pretty sure none of my projects would have paid out except maybe Sword Noir (original), but it was out there for almost 15 years.

So I suck at both marketing and finance. That’s why I’m in RPGs. The old joke is: how do you end up with 1 million dollars in the TTRPG industry?

Start with two million.

Then why don’t I just release my stuff for free? It’s an excellent point, and one with which I honestly wrestle. And I shamefully admit it’s because how I’ve been socialized—how most of use are socialized in “Western” society. As much as I don’t want to admit it, for myself, my assessment of the worth of my work is based on money earned. That’s the metric. And it sucks and I know its wrong, but it’s how our society works. There’s also really no other metric. How many people play my games? I have absolutely no idea. If I released them for free, there’d be a lot more people getting them, that’s for sure.

F#ck ‘Em Up has been out for less than a year and is the most downloaded of any of my available games. The original Sword Noir and original Nefertiti Overdrive would beat F#ck ‘Em Up in downloads, but they’d been out for 15 years and 10 years. They’re also not available any longer. Sword’s Edge has been out since March 2018 and hasn’t had as many downloads as F#ck ‘Em Up. But because F#ck ‘Em Up is free, I feel like people will grab it whether they are interested or not. If someone pays for something, I feel like that shows a willingness to invest, and therefore a likelihood they’ll actually play the game.

No science or data to back that, just tummy feels.

What I learned writing fiction—short as well as long—is that you increase your chances of being published by getting out there and becoming part of the community. Years ago, I had a connection to a couple of working novelists, people who survived off their writings.

Sidebar: that connection was entirely because of the original Sword’s Edge, a speculative fiction online journal. I had published both—without pay because no one was getting paid, especially me. When they went on to successful careers as writers, we kept in touch for a bit, and they even tried to help with my writing career. The only novel I had ready at the time wasn’t actually ready. Whoops. Anyway, I digress.

Anyway, their conclusion was based on their discussions with their peers—other working novelists, all of whom were active in the spec fic community. That was not just online but at conventions and other events.

That’s not me. That’s never going to be me. I struggle to even post on social media.

Part of this is how I see myself. Way back when I was really working at fiction, I got an interview in Canada’s former spec fic journal—On Spec. I told them I’m an artisan not an artist. My self-perception is that I can build a sellable game (or—back then—story), but I’m not going to be doing anything particularly special. If that’s what you think of yourself, it’s hard to sell yourself.

How many of us suffer from imposter syndrome? I’ll bet it’s a lot. It’s tough to power through that to sell yourself—which is what it feels like I’m doing when I try to sell my games.

So what’s the conclusion? What’s the point of all this?

I don’t know. That’s kind of why I post so rarely. There’s not much point—though some of you out there might see yourself in this.

You—my friend—are not alone.

I guess that’s the point? For those of you who have actually read this who are designers or who want to be: awesome! Do it! Do it because you want to do it. Because it brings you joy. The success is getting something done. Not selling it. Not getting awards. That’s cool, but that’s not the bar you need to clear. The bar is getting it done.

When I was writing, the pep talk I often heard and delivered was that lots of people talk about writing a novel. How many actually do it? How many finish? It’s the same with a game. Lots of people talk about it, lots of people hack systems.

Don’t just talk about it. Do it. Finish it. That’s a major success and you should be proud.

I’m proud of my games—though none of them will be financial “successes.” I’m proud because I finished them. Because they work.

I just hope other people like them too.

Links

Please go and support CDG if you can—especially if you are Canadian: https://composedreamgames.com/marketplace/index.php?route=common/home

You can get Kiss My Axe Second Edition here: https://fraserronald.itch.io/kiss-my-axe-2e

You can order a print copy of Kiss My Axe Second Edition online at: https://rpg-trader.com/products/8349/kiss-my-axe-2e

Or at Amazon at: https://www.amazon.ca/Kiss-My-Axe-Thirteen-Warriors/dp/1738862364/