I feel bad about letting Sword’s Edge take a hit due to my focus elsewhere. Just when I said to myself “I need to post something,” I find something that needs posting.

New Conan pictures! No, not the one with this post. The link to the pics is below.

You can see them at the Conan the Movie Blog, but I warn you, they are not safe for work or for children. It seems there will be bare breasts in this Conan movie, and a fair number of them, at least in the tavern scene shown in the photos.

The pics don’t do much for me, as I am already on board with Jason Momoa playing the character, but totally unimpressed with the story as revealed. Basically, this looks like it could be a fun sword & sorcery romp, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a Conan movie. That’s something I’ve said before, but I haven’t seen anything that would make me change my tune.

I can’t say I’m optimistic of this movie, though I will definitely see it (and possibly even buy it) once it comes out on DVD.

The pictures can be found here.

The plot and characters, based on what’s out in the media, pretty much leave me cold . . . as a Conan movie, that is, though were this some other sword & sorcery production—even set in Conan’s Hyboria—I’d be cautiously excited. It’s the fact that they continue to ignore the core of the Conan mythos—the Robert E. Howard stories—and seem more intent on revisiting the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle. Meh.

The pictures are at Screenrant, here.

Apparently Mickey Rourke is out of the upcoming Conan movie. Replacing him as Conan’s father is Ron Perlman.

That’s fine. I have very little invested in this movie as it stands. As much as I enjoy Ron Perlman, I was very interested to see what Mickey Rourke might have done with the role. I’m wondering how large a part Conan’s dad will have in the movie. If it’s anything like Conan the Barbarian, that would be not too much.

Whatever the case, the casting and director don’t leave me with a whole lot of hope that anything of quality is going to come out of the process. Fun? Possibly, but since it’s going to carry the title of Conan, I expect a little bit more than just fun.

Seriously, guys, change the name and we can all be friends, okay? Robert E. Howard’s creation deserves a little bit more respect than this. Not that Hollywood agrees with me. See?

Actually, I have an idea. Change the script. Actually, just change the names. That’s all. Lang can play a villainous Aquilonian noble who becomes “a warlord and formidable warrior, brilliant, cruel, weathered and tanned by the many campaigns he has waged and won. He is driven in his quest to find the Queen of Acheron and has been building an empire to do so.”

And while you’re at it, change the lead character’s name to something else, like Ragnar, or Conal, or Dave. Use the Hyborian setting and mythos if you like, and maybe call the movie “In the Land of Conan,” or something like that to trade in on the name, but please don’t take a shit on Conan.

Please.

Not that I expect this to totally suck, I just expect this to be on par with the Scorpion King, which isn’t a horrible movie, but certainly doesn’t live up to Robert E Howard’s immortal creation.

Won’t someone please think of the Cimmerians?

There’s been some Conan news that might interest some of you. It certainly interested me.

Sorry that I haven’t been keeping up with the casting information–probably because most of it hasn’t excited me. In case you haven’t heard, Conan has been cast, as well as a couple of the villains.

For Conan, we get Jason Momoa, whom I know nothing about. Apparently, he’d a dude from Stargate: Atlantis. Yeah, didn’t watch that. No hit against Stargate, but I just don’t watch a lot of TV. I’m sure it’s a great show and I’m sure he’s great in it. For Conan? Well, I can see him as a young Conan, kind of the Barry Windsor-Smith version of the young Conan from Marvel.

Mickey Rourke is apparently cast as Conan’s father, possibly named Corin. I honestly don’t know how accurate this is. Rourke may only be in talks or it may be a rumour. This, frankly, would be cool. He had a really short part in Conan the Barbarian, but William Smith as Conan’s father did it right. Heck, he kind of set the mood for the following story.

There’s a rumour that Stephen Lang has been approached to play the main villain:

Khalar Singh is in his 40s to 50s, Asian or Middle Eastern, Central Asian, Mongol, Turkish, or Persian,. . .

Now, the rest of the description goes on to talk about a real bad-ass, which certainly Lang could play, but given a name like Singh, isn’t there anyone who might be able to play that part? Anyone? Anyone at all?

In any case, now the “romantic lead”—um, female lead perhaps? Romantic lead does not sound right for a Conan movie—has apparently been cast. Those of you who saw GI Joe might have opinions on Rachel Nichols who played Scarlett, but not having seen it, I really don’t. She looks attractive enough.

I’ve heard that two guys named Bob Sapp and Raw Leiba have been hired to play minor villains. Good for them. Don’t know them at all, so I don’t have much to say.

Basically, what this casting news is telling me is that this movie is quickly heading into ‘meh’ territory for me, with a likely excursion along ‘total B-movie’ route. Might be fun, but there’s no way this movie is going to hold a candle to Conan the Barbarian. Robert E Howard purists out there will likely say the same in regards to that movie and the source material, but I liked it.

This just in . . . to me, though likely the rest of the world is all over it: Conan the Movie Blog got some answers from Marcus Nispel, who is slated to direct the new Conan movie. Some interesting stuff there. Check out the interview.

When asked about the sword fights, he said:

Conan is no Errol Flynn and there will be no “frozen moments”, but he will spar with a host of characters that fight in their unique own ways. We all know that Hyboria is an ethnically diverse world. Conan will have to adapt his style slightly to conquer them.

That sounds all well and good, but he also said this:

Conan is “a man of great mirth and great melancholy”. Though, I had to look up what “mirth” meant, I certainly dig the melancholy aspect.

Okay, so not exactly a super-literate dude.

Doesn’t really calm any of my fears, and actually creates a whole new host of them.

Ah well, let’s see what happens. It couldn’t be as bad as the D&D movie. Could it?

Neil Marshall.

Mr. Marshall directed both the amazing Dog Soldiers and the action-packed Doomsday. Of the two, I would say Dog Soldiers is the better movie, but I would be more than pleased to have a Conan movie as entertaining as Doosmday. I figure we get Dog Conan, and it’ll be another Barbarian. We get Dooms Conan, it’ll still be infinitely better than Destroyer.

Let’s just hope The problem is that Mr. Marshall is directing Centurion–which looks fucking hot–and the producers say they want production on Conan started by August. That schedule might leave Mr. Marshall out of the running. That would suck.

This isn’t to say there are no other good directors on the list, considering it includes James McTeigue and Christophe Gans. I loved V for Vendetta and I continue to worship at the altar of Brotherhood of the Wolf, but neither of those movies is a good measure for a Conan movie. With Mr. Marshall, I can look at Doomsday and say, yeah, he could sure as shit do Conan. Still, either Messrs. McTeigue or Gans could deliver the goods.

But I would really love to see what Neil Marshall could do.

The starting filming in August is certainly good news, assuming they’ve got a completed and decidedly excellent script (if not, I could free up some time . . .  just sayin’). Ratner off the job is probably good news, but who’s going to replace him? Aye, there’s the rub. See, while Ratner sucks, I’m fairly certain that there are others that would bring more suckage (suckitude?) to the table. Ratner is a known quantity.

I’ll be interested to hear who gets the nod for this, both for directing and for the Conan role. That role, by the way, is going to be done through an open casting call.

Will Dwayne Johnson go for it? Frankly, I think that would be pretty cool as I actually found the Scorpion King entertaining (in a cheesy fantasy flick kind of way). Of course, there are lots of folks out there that could do Conan. Arnold did a great job, and he’s not even that stellar an actor–not horrible, mind you, but certainly not Royal Shakespearean level.

Or maybe Vin Diesel? Yeah, that could rock . . . or whatever.

And Red Sonja? Could be interesting. Considering the last attempt, I’m not overly excited.

(And what’s with all the parantheses? Don’t know, must be the weather . . .)

I liked Rush Hour. A lot. Rush Hour 2 wasn’t bad. Rush Hour 3 had Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker reprising their roles, as well as some “Hot” “Chicks.” That encapsulates the good things about Rush Hour 3. I really don’t think Brett Ratner can direct. Other than Rush Hour–the success of which I attribute to its leads–I haven’t been impressed with anything Ratner has done. He pretty much took a dump on the X-Men with Last Stand.

So it’s awesome that Conan may be back, that they are hearkening back to his roots, that they are going R-rated and thinking franchise. Let’s just hope Ratner can keep his head above water and at least deliver something entertaining. Still, I can’t see this topping Conan the Barbarian.