Okay, so remember when Robert Rodriquez was going to direct Rose McGowan as Red Sonja? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. What is going to happen is apparently Simon West directing Red Sonja. That would be Simon “Con Air” West, though I would also have accepted Simon “Tomb Raider” West. Apparently, he’s been doing some TV stuff as well.

I liked Con Air and all, but it seems to have been an anomaly. I found Lara Croft: Tomb Raider pretty pedestrian, actually boring in parts. It totally failed to hold my interest, and that was even with Angelina Jolie in a tight shirt. He’s going to need to really up his game if he’s going to interest me in Red Sonja, which basically has the same assets as Lara Croft . . . well, that and it’s based on a sword & sorcery property that is tangentially linked to Conan.

And the young lady to play Red Sonja? Well, the producer wants Amber Heard, of whom I had not . . . heard. Sorry about that. Google image search tells me she’s an attractive enough young lady, but I don’t really see her as Red Sonja. She’d have to hit the gym a lot to make me believe she’s a warrior-woman.

So yet another “meh” response to big Hollywood news. Get yer shit together, Hollywood.

You can find my review of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider here.

Somewhere along the way, somebody apparently forgot the most important part of the Highlander mythos:

There can be only one.

Thankfully, we can ignore everything that came after, and I have a feeling I’ll be ignoring the next installment as well. This time, it’s not a sequel. Nope, this time they are going for a remake.

Written by the scribe who brought Twilight to the screen.

I shit you not. I wish I did, but I do not.

This is Hollywood, once again, thinking that everything is interchangeable. I mean, it’s young people that went to see Twilight, right? So if we get the same writer on Highlander, we’ll get more of the same. Simple.

Only not so much.

Okay, so Melissa Rosenberg has done much more than just Twilight, including co-producing Birds of Prey for TV and doing all sorts of stuff for Dexter. I haven’t seen any of those, but there’s lots of good buzz about Dexter, and I know enough to know it ain’t about sparkly vampires and such.

I have literally no hopes for this. It’s not that I don’t think Ms. Rosenberg can pull off a good script. I have absolutely no opinion about that one way or the other. It’s just that every single big screen attempt to make another Highlander has flopped. And, let’s face it, it’s not exactly a quality movie. It has its charms, and I thought it was awesome back in the day, but watching it now isn’t the same. It’s a great idea. It had its time. Let’s just leave it lie.

Seriously, Hollywood, have you got no fucking new ideas?

Well, see the poster for the new adaptation of the Killer. The poster has been revealed. Certainly simpled than most Hong Kong action movie posters from the late 80s.

The article at Collider can be found here.

Some people simply say they are fans of John Woo. I can’t say that, because I have to admit that I am not. I am a fan of John Woo’s Hong Kong heroic bloodshed movies, his pre-Windtalkers Hollywood output, and his more recent historical work in China, meaning Red Cliff. That’s the part of John Woo’s oeuvre that I love.

And among all of that, the Killer holds a place of distinction. It was the first John Woo movie I ever saw, and it was the movie I used to get other people interested in John Woo. If you can stomach the melodrama, and you love the balletic violence, there’s more where that came from. It’s also a high-water mark, arguably along with Hard Boiled.

Now there’s going to be an English-language adaptation of the Killer. It doesn’t sound like a straight re-make, but darn close. Word is that Woo is producing, along with Terence Chang, so there’s a strong connection to the original. It’s going to be directed by Korea’s John H. Lee (who shares a given and surname with Chow Yun Fat’s character in the Replacement Killers, so that’s certainly less than six degrees), and starring Jung Woo-Sung (he of Musa the Warrior, the Good, the Bad, and the Weird and John H. Lee’s A Moment to Remember) in the Chow Yun Fat role.

It might be in 3D.

I wish I could be excited about this, but unless this is going to be shot in Korea, Hong Kong or China, without Hollywood representation, and unless fate smiles on it, I have a sense this is going to be a mess. Korea has had some very good action movies, but even when they try to mimic the HK heroic bloodshed style, it tends to be American-ized. If John H. Lee considers the action scenes from movies like the Good, the Bad, and the Weird, Old Boy, Nowhere to Hide, and A Bittersweet Life we might see something interesting.

Will it have the Killer’s impact? I doubt that. I doubt that very, very much.

Marvel seems to be moving forward with a Black Panther movie. At least, they’ve gone so far as to hire a screenwriter. Granted, that’s probably the cheapest of the investments Marvel will have to make, unless they try to low-ball the director and star as well. Still, it shows some level of intent.

I’m not a particular fan of the Black Panther, but I’ve read some stuff with him that is pretty cool. The writer in question, Mark Bailey, is mostly known for documentary work, though he has done at least one other adaptation that might see the screen. There’s no word yet on how Marvel or Mr. Bailey intends to adapt the story of the Black Panther, but the last time there was any serious interest in the character, he was going to be involved in some kind of Indiana Jones/Alan Quatermain-style adventure.

Oh, please, no. That just sounds so stupid.

Granted, that was in the 1990s. Hopefully Hollywood has gotten smarter.

And then I remembered Catwoman, and that shot that idea to shit.

Read the article at Collider.

Oh please, baby Jebus, no.

The horror. The horror.

Rumours have hit the Intartubdules that Keanu Reeves has spoken of two more Matrix movies, written and directed by the Wachowskis. Now, this is basically a: “I heard it from a guy I barely know who said he was there when . . .” so this is weak as even Internet rumours go, but I felt it my solemn duty to warn you so you could be prepared.

Now excuse me while I go start digging the foundations of the bunker in which I will protect my family and my RPG books when the final horseman comes.

UPDATE: Are we at all shocked to hear that this rumour is, in fact, false? Not totally shocked, no. Relieved? Hells yeah.

Now what do I do with that big hole in my front yard?

If you’ve been around here for a bit, you’ll know I was getting nervous about the next James Bond movie, what with MGM’s financial troubles and all. It turns out, everything is going to be all right.

Bond 23 (insert cool name that sounds vaguely like one of the novels OR the actual name of a short story not yet used in the film series, regardless of its actual link—or lack thereof—to the story of the movie) is set to be released 9 November, 2012. That’s a long fuckin’ wait, let me tell you.

Sam Mendes is still set to direct, and Daniel Craig is still set to star.

Now, this means we’ll have been waiting a damn long time for our Bond fix (Quantum of Solace was released 14 November 2008 in North America), so they better deliver up something damn fine. If they don’t, I might write a nasty post, and nobody wants that, I assure you.

I have no idea what kind of a director RZA will prove to be. Given the name of his group (Wu-Tang Clan), his interest in “kung-fu” films is likely not surprising. It’s also likely not surprising to anyone who knows me that I know nothing of the Wu-Tang Clan, other than what I may have read in the entertainment section.

So what can we expect of The Man with the Iron Fist? For the most part, I have no idea. The only part about which I can offer expectations is casting. We can expect Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe.

This, in theory, makes me very happy. I have fondness for Ms. Liu, who I consider both devastatingly hot and a very good actor. I also have a fondness for Mr. Crowe, who has delivered some absolutely stunning performances in his life. Ms. Liu has proven her screen-fu in Kill Bill (Part 1), though Mr. Crowe, for all his action-y roles, has not.

Given that, the Matrix has proven that you can pretty much take any actor and make him or her look like a credible fighter, with the right training and the right team.

So does this mean I am optimistic about the movie? I certainly believe that those two particular actors could deliver. I have no idea what the script, look, or any part of the actual delivery will be like.

Let’s just wait and see.

And for no particular reason, other than I can, Lucy Liu:

So the official Thor trailer is out. I actually think the leaked Comic Con trailer gave us a better idea of the story, but this one has lots more of the Destroyer, and has Thor actually using Mjolnir.

Yeah, people were ragging on the costumes, how they looked, and the like. For me, it works well enough. Does it look metallic? Not particularly. Do I care? Not particularly. I think they’ve done a good job of presenting the costume as I know it from the comic. I know it was always supposed to be metallic—or partially metallic—but the costume never seemed so in the comics themselves, so I guess I don’t expect that of the movie either.

I mean, we’re talking the Norse gods—we’re going to quibble over the material of their costumes?

Also? There’s an official poster. You may have noticed it above.

See the trailer here.

As MGM begins to come to terms—legally and economically—with its financial situation, good news is seeping out. First we learned the Hobbit was finally going forward. Now there’s word that not only is the next James Bond film set to move forward, but the big names are still attached to it.

Both Daniel Craig and Sam Mendes are apparently returning for Bond 23 (awaiting cool, or at least intended to be cool title). To me, this is good news. Here’s hoping the hiatus has allowed them to cook up something like Casino Royale but without the Quantum of Solace.