I’m King Arthur! . . . No, I’m King Arthur!

In the realm of “WTF?” we are getting three—yes, three—King Arthur movies in the future.

Because Antoine Fuqua’s King Arthur wasn’t enough to kill the legend . . . though I’m sure it came damn close.

Actually, if you pretend it has nothing whatshowever to do with the King Arthur legend, that movie is a kind of a fun romp. I mean, Clive Owen, Ray Winstone and Ray Stevenson all together with weapons and armour and kicking all kinds of ass? Yeah, that’s a good popcorn movie. It’s a pretty cool D&D movie because—like the awesome the 13th Warrior—it is totally ahistorical in its presentation of the period: the technology, weapons, armour, and tactics.

But I digress. I tend to do that a lot.

Okay, so we have Bryan Singer directing a remake of John Boorman’s Excalibur, we have Sylvain White (he of the Losers) doing a movie about the formation of the Round Table, and now we apparently will have Guy Ritchie (riding high on Sherlock Holmes) directing a script penned by Warren “he’s Warren Fucking Ellis, bitch” Ellis.

King Arthur script penned by Warren “Planetary” Ellis? Now I need a new pair of pants. Direct by Guy “Snatch” Ritchie . . . hmmmm. Well, how about Guy “Sherlock Holmes” Ritchie? Now I need a new pair of pants and a tarp. Clean up on aisle 3!

As to Bryan Singer’s project: you’re going to remake Excalibur? Really? Because that is screaming for a remake, is it? There are those out there who will slag that movie. Maybe it’s because I was like 12 when I first saw it (boobies!). Maybe because it was my first exposure to Carmena Burana. Maybe because Nicol Williamson totally ruled as Merlin. Whatever the reason, I am a total fanboy for Excalibur. I love the movie. I refuse to accept it is flawed . . . maybe a little . . . shut up!

Considering that the King Arthur legend is totally public domain, why not just go with one’s own interpretation of the legend? I can’t honestly see any reason to “remake” Excalibur, when all it will really be is an interpretation of a legend that’s about 1500 years old.

And Sylvain White? Dude, if you do justice to the Losers, you get a free pass. Feel free to Fuqua it. I’ll still love you. Mess up with the Losers and you get a swift kick in the rhetorical junk.