One of my favourite heroes of literature and by far my favourite character in the Iliad is Odysseus. I first encountered him in some TVO  production of the Odyssey that I saw on TVO in the late 70s, then in D&D first edition’s Deities and Demigods. I have to admit, that by the time I actually rolled around to reading the Iliad and the Odyssey, back in university, I was predisposed to digging the guy who was all about cunning and guile when everyone else seemed passionately in love with brute force.

I was thrilled when Sean Bean got the role in the lukewarm Troy, and while he didn’t get enough to do in that movie, he was my favourite part of it. Kind of a no-brainer, given I’m also a big Sean Bean fan back to Patriot Games.

Now Hollywood is going to give us the Odyssey, but without the actual Odyssey. Instead of a bunch of lazy and conniving suitors, we have an invading force? Meh. So far, you’ve totally unsold me on something I would have bought just on brand name alone.

“A movie about Odysseus? Fuck yeah, I’m going!” Except now it’s “A movie about Odysseus? Fuck yeah, this’ll suck.”

I wish I could say I’m shocked, shocked to hear that Hollywood is incapable of bringing a literary classic to the screen without a thorough anal rape. I’m not.

Am I going to be the one to tell Odysseus that there is no reach around?

1. So did you see the leaked X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Nah, me neither.

2. So, do you venture into AICN and read the comments? Nah, me neither.

1 + 2 = I have to read in an article on Collider that the leaked Wolverine print is the same as what will hit the theatres.

What does that mean? I have no idea. What’d that Fox guy who lost his job say about Deadpool? Ryan Reynolds has said the dude shooting lasers out of eyes and with claw-envy is, in fact, Deadpool. I want to know if he goes back to normal at the end. I wouldn’t mind if the Weapon X project somehow messed Deadpool up if the result is the Deadpool from comics.

Likelihood of that? Probably near zero. But there is talk of a Deadpool movie with Mr. Reynolds, so there is hope.

Maybe the movie can have a guest cameo by Black Widow? Then again, given all the rights issues, probably as likely that Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds will be stopping by for tea to thank me for my interest.

Though that would be cool.

So, I heard back from John O’Neill at Black Gate regarding two submissions I had sent his way.

The first was rejected. As usual, Mr. O’Neill had some nice things to say and some suggestions. I mean, I really can’t get too depressed over a rejection that says: “I enjoyed this one — it’s fast paced and splendidly written, with remarkably solid characterization in a real economy of prose.” Got to love that!

But, there’s gotta be a catch. He said no, right? Well, again, as usual, Mr. O’Neill laid it out for me. “Unfortunately, the battle and the outcome are fairly predictable after the first few pages, and it’s not as original as I might wish.  We see a few too many tales of wandering samurai demon-slayers, I’m afraid.”

Fair cop.

See, this is one of the reasons I will always submit to Black Gate first, even though the response time can be slow. Mr. O’Neill has consistently told me where I could improve. Granted, I understand why so many markets use form letters–because they have too many submissions to do otherwise. I can’t fault them for that. I just appreciate that Mr. O’Neill has always told me point blank what the problem with the story is. That’s helped me improve stories that have found homes elsewhere.

The second submission was a reprint. That one is being held for further consideration. That kinda balances it out, but I still haven’t placed a second story with Mr. O’Neill.

Now, I need to get something else finished so I can shop it to Black Gate.

I’m thinking not.

I have no beef with Fourth Edition Dungeons & Dragons. I don’t own it, mind you, but I’ve read through parts. Two things turned me off: how class-based magic is handled and the requirement for minis. Having magic missile as an encounter power doesn’t jibe with my vision of magic. I like my magic mysterious, a little scarce. Without removing classes from play, this can’t be achieved in 4e.

As a side note, I’ve been told one could not model magic scarcity well in previous editions, and that 4e does it better. I find this a little startling, as I’ve always been able to do this (though I never actually tried with Basic D&D, but from 1e on, no problem) without removing character choice.

Anyway, I’ve never played with minis and I am not interested in investing in them. That’s not to say if someone brought minis to the game I would refuse to use them. They are certainly useful, I’m just not willing to invest in minis so I can then further invest in 4e when I already have games I know and run that do what I need them to do.

Okay, so that aside, I admit I am intrigued by the possibilities of 4e. If I got free books, free minis, and my players were clamouring for it, sure I’d run 4e. I think it would be easier if I just got the chance to play it.

And here’s what I wan to play: Nextwave, Agents of HATE as a D&D campaign. You see, Nextwave was all about superheroes who solved America’s problems by beating the crap out of sundry opponents. Wow, that does sound like a D&D campaign, doesn’t it? Considering that everyone says 4e is a rollicking good time, and that it looks like it’s all about the tactical combat, this could be the perfect match.

But Nextwave was also light-hearted. Well, more like cynically amusing. I don’t want anything too serious. The PvP/Penny Arcade 4e podcasts piqued my interest when I was still very disinterested in 4e. They were having fun. They were goofing off. Acquisitions Inc. could be Nextwave D&D.

If I were to run 4e, Given my track record, it is highly unlikely that I would run a dungeoncrawl. It’d likely be urban and based on intrigue. However, I’d be sure that all problems could be addressed by applying the proper amount of kick to the proper ass.

And hopefully, I’d get characters like Jim Darkmagic of the New Hampshire Darkmagics or Al, the Eldarin.

Long time reader, first time writer . . . oh wait, that’s not true. Well, when I wrote for Sword’s Edge it was back in the day of the real e-zine. Back when there was a cover and everything. Before the, what do we call it? Blog-zine? B-zine? Zine?

Anyway, I’m here to burst Fraser’s bubble about Ong Bak 2. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it with the HK subtitles. And I am not happy. Nope, not one bit. You see, Ong Bak was about fight scenes with a story existing only to link those awesome fight scenes. Ong Bak 2 is about story, with fight scenes only because that’s what one wants out of an Ong Bak movie.

I don’t know how they can honestly call this one Ong Bak 2. The Protector, that could’ve been Ong Bak 2. It followed the same basic formula as Ong Bak. Ong Bak 2 is set in the past (15th century) and Tony Jaa plays Tian/Teean (depending on the transliteration), who is some kind of special heir with a special destiny. Blah, blah, blah.

The movie goes on and on with Tian’s backstory, with his inner “conflicts,” and doesn’t have nearly enough cool fighting. I’m not going to relate all the story, because frankly it was crap and you can read about it elsewhere. Seriously, there is nothing original or even particularly interesting about the story.

I think Tony Jaa wanted to play some kind of dramatic, historical character. He’s got writing credits. He’s also been credited with directing. I get to blame him for this trainwreck. Ong Bak and the Protector both had other people running the show, you know, real directors. Tony has got to step back, take a deep breath, and recognize he’s a great action movie star, but he’s not Tsui Hark. He’s not even Albert Pyun. Well, maybe he’s close to Pyun.

So don’t get your hopes up about this movie. It’s certainly not the worst actioner I’ve ever seen. It sure ain’t the best. Maybe on it’s own it wouldn’t have seemed so crappy, but Ong Bak casts a long, long shadow.

. . . with English subtitles!

I’m a huge fan of Ong Bak, and I’m really interested in checking out . Right now, the DVD is region 3, so unless you have a regionless DVD player or other method of enjoying the Hong Kong version, you might be left out in the cold for now. Depending, you might be able to adjust the region on your DVD players, though for my player, I only get 4 changes before it freezes, which sucks.

I didn’t hear anything at all about a theatrical release, so I guess I missed it. I would have loved to see the action on the big screen, but I’ll be happy just to see the action.

Keeping my eyes open for a region 1 release.

I’m a pretty big fan of the Losers from DC/Vertigo (except for the ending reveal, which kind of sucked @$$), so hearing there is a movie in the works is pretty cool. So far, we’ve only heard that maybe Jeffrey Dean Morgan will be in it, then again, maybe he won’t.

Now Collider is reporting that Idris Elba (who?) and Zoe Saldana (whoa!) have been signed.

Apparently there a script, but does it suck? This is my question.

Oh, and I am available to re-write or otherwise doctor said script . . . for the right price! (I work cheap. Really. Quite cheap)

Both Collider and Chud have reported that X-Men Origins: Wolverine is out on the internet. Apparently, a workprint was leaked and it has spread like an STD at a Roman orgy.

If no one else is going to say, I am: can someone tell me how badly they f#%ked up Deadpool? Seriously, is that crazy dude with the claws and laser eyes really Deadpool? And do they change him back at the end?

I’m going to have to wait for the theatrical release for my answers, aren’t I? If they seriously mess up the Merc With the Mouth, can I get my money back?

So many questions.

A kung-fu fightin’, counter-terrorist monk–doesn’t that sound like an awesome character for any modern RPG campaign? It’s like someone took the Monk class from D&D (well, pre-4e D&D, ’cause the 4 don’t have the Monk) and just jammed it into a modern European setting. “Where you going to find monks? The Vatican of course! My monk character works for the Vatican. He’s a counter-terrorism expert.”

Yeah, and that’s the premise of a German TV movie that may become a series. I shit you not. Neither does Twitch.

This is just so full of cornball awesome, I’m going to have to include it my next modern campaign.

Maybe not.

Oddly enough, Death Train is also the title of a half-decent Patrick Stewart, Pierce Brosnana actioner from the 90s, better known to my university room-mates as Detonator. Yes, I owned the video back when we still had tapes.

This kind of stuff just can’t wait for verification or confirmation. Warren Ellis recently reported that the completed artwork for the long LONG awaited Planetary #27 has been received. Can it be true?

Fearing this might be misconstrued as an April Fool’s Day joke, Mr. Ellis provided a modicum of proof.

Is it for real? I am praying this is so.

The big question? When can I get this into my hands?

Faster! Faster!